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Day 17: In The Grey

cherylcasreeves

Next comes medication. 

In The Grey
Cas Reeves 2012
 
The darkness and the light
They just seem to intermingle.
All is grey; all is mute,
There’s no sunshine and no night.
Beige and cream and soft blues,
No black to take me home.
Mornings and evenings
But no midnight and no noon.
I never see the sun
Or the moon.
Medicated to be calm
Take a pill; it’s a charm.
Go to the doctors,
Get a needle in the arm.
Do not think outside the circle
It’s there to keep you sane.
Do not feel, do not feel all your pain.
Maybe twilight, maybe dawn,
But never sunshine or night,
Stay in the middle,
Grey is right.
Two plus two equals four no more,
Do not say how much you’re hurting,
Keep it all inside.
Quiet child, quiet child,
Find somewhere to hide.
Do not let yourself be seen,
Wrap your arms around your heart.
In the grey, in the grey,
Live dead in the day.
After hospitalisation and a diagnosis of schizoaffective comes medication. Lithium, as a mood stabiliser for the bipolar, and Seroquel, as an anti-psychotic for the schizophrenia. These medications work, but at a terrible cost. The nothingness goes on for years; you live in ‘the grey’. There are many side effects. The chemical straightjacket of medication is a cruel punishment for a crime we never committed.

Published by cherylcasreeves

I'm a 46 year old Christian married mother of two young adults who I had the honour of homeschooling for 12 years. My husband Rodney and I live in Brisbane Australia. I am creating this space to share, as God leads, some of my writing and experiences living with schizoaffective disorder and pursuing a deeper healing relationship with God.

One thought on “Day 17: In The Grey”

  1. Hi Cheryl today’s poem was very enlightening. My dad was on lithium for about 35 years and it helped so much. I think that without it my parents would have had a very unsettled time and mum would not have been able to stay with him . I think grey is better than black . Thanks again for sharing

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