Uncategorized · Weight loss journey

The Prayer of a Medicated Soul

By Cheryl Reeves 14-9-2022

Oh Lord my God

When I just try to focus

How thick the fog

That makes my windows white.

I cannot see,

Or hear you voice

Inside me.

I am so lost,

I beg you

Melt this frost.

And lift me up

From broken couches hiding,

Give me the strength

To let myself cry.

Let me with honest

Eyes wide open,

See who I am

And feel the pain I feel.

Let me be one,

As you are with your Son.

That all my parts

Share with me one heart.

Forgive me Lord

For tangents and for hiding

In endless woods

Of social media.

I long to change

To grow and be alive.

Able to move

To walk and not to fall.

To be the woman

I know that I could be.

Lord, come closer

And clear the fog for me.

How do I love you

As I would?

How do I eat and sleep

As I should?

Am I alive

To follow my own path?

Or am I here

To learn to love You true?

Daring to be seen.
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It’s Time To Try

We are moved and settled at our new rental home at Beachmere. It’s beautiful and I feel very blessed.

I really want to make the most of this new start. Isaac has moved out ready to make his new life with Shaylin. They get married in December. Rodney and I are now officially empty nesters. I’m missing Isaac but it is nice to have the house all to ourselves, (well not really, we have Judah Isaac’s cattle dog and he is a personality not to be ignored. I am so so glad we have him, I think i would be very lonely without him.) This afternoon we took him for his first beach walk, he wasn’t particularly impressed.

The first walk.

So I have decided to be brave and once again try to lose weight. This is a stressful and emotionally charged issue, I think this is probably the case for a lot of us who battle with our weight. I am going to blog about it because it is very much connected to my mental health and maybe sharing will help and encourage someone else. I have had prayers and tears and deep conversations with serval people including my doctor and psychologist. I have started using the Noom App and I have an appointment with a dietitian on Saturday.

I’m not really sure of my goals yet but stay posted.

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A poem for today – 3/7/2021

God opens wide
The closed door.
He answers prayer
And gives us more.
Though we may fall
And fail and faint,
God’s ever there,
He’ll patiently wait.
When days have passed
And we collapse, 
When all our plans 
Have lost their grasp,
When at our end
We kneel and pray,
God gently welcomes
The words we say.
He understands
Beneath our sobs,
The way life hurts,
How pain robs,
And he, with healing
In His wings,
Soothes aching hearts
With love He brings
So travellers all,
Though you will stumble,
And prayers are naught
But a tearful mumble,
God is gentle,
Faithful and true.
Bring all your brokenness,
He’ll welcome you. 

By Cas Reeves 3/7/2021
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Day 31: The Blue Notebook

The impossibility of ever having anything to say that could conceivably match how beautiful God feels in my heart makes me pause. The sunlight itself is like sweet music from Heaven, light shining like warm love.

James 1:17-18 “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. Of his own will begat he us with the word of truth, that we should be a kind of first fruits of his creatures.”

The cross, a greater gift of love then I could ever deserve. Please forgive my sins by your blood and grant me eternal life with you, LORD most high. Cas

Life needs to stay simple if I am to stay sane.

Lord, the white rabbit in my head sits calm and says: You are not late.

I relax, wonderland is just a dream I can leave anytime.

I am not defined by wonderland.

I am not defined by mental illness.

Despite my mental illness, I can connect with God.

I can, I write, I feel. Thank you Lord. Cas

1 John 4:7-19
“7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God;

and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
9 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.
10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us,

and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.
12 No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another,

God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.
13 Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit.
14 And we have seen and do testify that the Father sent the Son to be the Saviour of the world.
15 Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God.
16 And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.
17 Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world.
18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear:

because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
19 We love him, because he first loved us.”

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Day 30: The Blue Notebook

Most excellent LORD of HOSTS I bow my heart and head and cry out “HOLY, HOLY, HOLY! LORD GOD ALMIGHTY, which was and is and is to come. Holy is your name and you, oh mighty one, are worthy of all praise and honour. Cas

I would lull myself into a trance and therein whisper sweet words of love and conjure such passionate loveliness as to enchant the Alpha and Omega, the great God who is the Beginning and the End and all that was and is to come.

If only I was young and beautiful, I wish that I could dance before you my LORD and ravish your heart with my love. Cas

Song of Solomon 4:9
“Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thy neck.”
Revelation 4:8
“And the four beasts had each of them six wings about him; and they were full of eyes within: and they rest not day and night, saying, Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, which was, and is, and is to come.”
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Day 29: The Blue Notebook

I am weak and lack courage. Please Father God save us from the wrath to come. Extend us grace. Rapture us before the mega storm hits, that even now is brewing in the world.

The clouds against the blue sky make me think of you and long for your return. Cas

Oh blessed indwelling Holy Spirit I open to you every room in my heart. I give you all my keys.

Please let my love for the KING be a sweet scent to His senses. Let the perfume of God’s skin woo my heart. Let His scent drift down from Heaven to me.

If only my longing could inspire equal longing. Oh, to awaken a force greater than my own passion! (A dangerous thought. Perhaps not wise but I long for Him.) Cas  

Revelation 3:20
“20 Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.”

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Day 28: The Blue Notebook

I’m feeling a little lost. I’m searching for something in my relationship with God. I always thought it was possible but today I am not sure. It’s so much harder on medication.

At least I can search again. For so long the medication made it impossible to even look. Cas

How do I write words capable of entreating a King? Cas

Psalm 45:1
“My heart is inditing a good matter: I speak of the things which I have made touching the king: my tongue is the pen of a ready writer.”