Day 30: The Blue Notebook

Most excellent LORD of HOSTS I bow my heart and head and cry out “HOLY, HOLY, HOLY! LORD GOD ALMIGHTY, which was and is and is to come. Holy is your name and you, oh mighty one, are worthy of all praise and honour. Cas

I would lull myself into a trance and therein whisper sweet words of love and conjure such passionate loveliness as to enchant the Alpha and Omega, the great God who is the Beginning and the End and all that was and is to come.

If only I was young and beautiful, I wish that I could dance before you my LORD and ravish your heart with my love. Cas

Song of Solomon 4:9
“Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thy neck.”
Revelation 4:8
“And the four beasts had each of them six wings about him; and they were full of eyes within: and they rest not day and night, saying, Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, which was, and is, and is to come.”

Day 29: The Blue Notebook

I am weak and lack courage. Please Father God save us from the wrath to come. Extend us grace. Rapture us before the mega storm hits, that even now is brewing in the world.

The clouds against the blue sky make me think of you and long for your return. Cas

Oh blessed indwelling Holy Spirit I open to you every room in my heart. I give you all my keys.

Please let my love for the KING be a sweet scent to His senses. Let the perfume of God’s skin woo my heart. Let His scent drift down from Heaven to me.

If only my longing could inspire equal longing. Oh, to awaken a force greater than my own passion! (A dangerous thought. Perhaps not wise but I long for Him.) Cas  

Revelation 3:20
“20 Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.”

Day 27: The Blue Notebook

It’s a compulsion to come. Perhaps it is insanity, but it’s more real and beautiful than all the world. Cas

I am a deer panting after the living water; please quench my thirst. Cas

Lord, is all my religious fervour a symptom of my mental illness? Do I matter to you? Do you read my prayers?

Heavenly Father, find me. Please find me in the night time of my soul and hold me in your arms. Reassure me that there is hope and I am not alone.

A little faith is all I have. Forgive my impatience, please. Cas 

Hebrews 13:5
“Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.”

Day 26: The Blue Notebook

Day after day I will come to you……

I wish I could find a way to pump your own exquisite Holy Spirit into the very ink upon this page. I would that the Great High Priest, the LORD JESUS CHRIST, would personally offer my words to you oh Great JE-HO’-VAH!

“Awake my love! Awake and hear what the Spirit says! What the Son says! She loves You. She loves You with all her broken humanity. Smell the sweet scent of her adoration.” Cas

Don Francisco Beautiful To Me – YouTube
http://www.youtube.com › watch


The crowds were in the streets that day when Jesus came To town
All the synagogue was there and more from miles around
So I asked him home to dinner just to see what I could See
Of this famous local prophet from here in Galilee
And I don’t know just how that woman got into the room
But you couldn’t miss her gaudy clothes and her strong And sweet perfume.

She went straight to Jesus’ feet and stopped and stood Right there
Then cried and wet His feet with tears and dried them With her hair.
Now of all the women in my town none was more well Known
For the flagrant sin she’d lived in and the wickedness She’d sown.
But He didn’t move to stop her — seemed this phophet Couldn’t tell
That the woman who was touching Him was the kind they Buy and sell.
And I had no idea just what this Jesus planned to do
When he said “Simon, there’s something I need to say to You.”
So I said “Teacher, if it’s on your mind then tell me What you will.”
But as He began to speak to me the room grew quick
ly Still
He said “Take a good look at this woman now, in spite Of all her fears
She’s kissed me and anointed me and washed my feet with Tears.
She’s honored me and you’ve been only rude to me Instead.
You gave no kiss of greeting, no anointing for my Head.”
And her sins were red as scarlet and now they’re washed Away.
The love and faith she’s shown is all the price she has To pay

For the depth of God’s forgiveness, it’s more than you Can see
And in spite of what you think of her, she’s beautiful To me
Now my anger flamed to hatred, I wanted nothing more
Than to take this prophet by the throat and throw Him Out the door
To act like God, forgiving sins, and then speak so to Me.
This itinerant from Nazareth in backwards Galilee.
But instead I sat and trembled, shaken to the core
The woman still was weeping as she knelt there on the Floor
Jesus turned to her and said, “Your chains have been Released
Your faith has saved you from your sins, rise — walk In peace.”
Your sins were red as scarlet but now they’re washed Away.
The love and faith you’ve shown is all the price you Have to pay
For the depth of God’s forgiveness, it’s deeper than The sea
And no matter what the world may think, you’re Beautiful to me.

Day 25: The Blue Notebook

I try to see myself as a woman before you. I am 39 but it’s hard. I would offer you my heart that still feels young. My young heart laughing and full of art and colour, a sparkling fountain of endless possibility and frighteningly submissive tendencies.

I would kneel before you. I would sit at your feet. I worship you. I long as no one but a woman, truly, desperately in love can long. Be not far from me but incline your ear to me Lord, I beg you. Cas

If you were a loin, I would be a lioness. If you hear me roar in the night, come to me. Cas

Psalm 96:9-11
“9 O worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness: fear before him, all the earth.
10 Say among the heathen that the Lord reigneth: the world also shall be established that it shall not be moved: he shall judge the people righteously.
11 Let the heavens rejoice, and let the earth be glad; let the sea roar, and the fulness thereof.”

Day 24: The Blue Notebook

What is a girl to do when she is promised and waits?

My heart is longing…..

Your own Spirit longs as I do. Hasten to the, MARRIAGE SUPPER OF THE LAMB. Send me not away……

Truly there is nothing so sweet to me as being with you.

I am a small plant, let me grow in your shadow. You are a mighty tree, let me grow in your bark. Let me be a delicate orchid and flower in your branches.

You are so mighty. I have so little I can offer you but I make pictures with words and lay them before you like a child absurdly proud of my immature sketches. I say: “Father! Father! I love you! Please notice me! I see you! I love you! Please put my pictures on your fridge.”

Revelation 19:6-9
“6 And I heard as it were the voice of a great multitude, and as the voice of many waters, and as the voice of mighty thunderings, saying, Alleluia: for the Lord God omnipotent reigneth.
7 Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.
8 And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints.
9 And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he saith unto me, These are the true sayings of God.”

Day 23: The Blue Notebook

I have a theory that the words and love I can offer now in my broken and imperfect humanity are of great value. The offering I make here stands eternal, a testament to my true love for you. So I build up my treasure in Heaven that I may even then have a crown to lay continually at your perfect feet. Teach me, oh Lord to increase your favour.

I beg of you eyesalve so I may see as you would have me see. Cleanse me and purify me and clothe me in white raiment, make me a pleasing offering. I am not lukewarm! I burn for you! I boil! I am steam, and there is fire in my eyes and hair.

Look upon me Oh LORD my GOD and soften your heart towards me. Knock upon my door and I will open all my heart, and life, wide to you. You alone are my heart’s desire and I long to worship you. Cas

Matthew 6:19-21
“19 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:
20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in Heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:
21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”

Day 18: The Blue Notebook

I want to crawl into your arms and cry a little. Please forgive me for not staying in the pasture. You are my shepherd. I am the sheep who follows you home at night instead of staying safely in the fold. I have escaped and stand by your door and belt incessantly, waking you.

You take me back to the fold, but I find no rest. I wandered through my souls dark night, past dragons and wolves and angels and demons seeking the door to your home. 

I cannot bear to be apart from you, my Shepherd King. Please open the door and let me lay warm beside the hearth fire of your own room. Let me live closer than your skin. Allow me to know the secret scent of your inner chambers.

Do not ask me to stop seeking you. Cas  

Psalm 23
“1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil:

for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:

thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”

Day 17: The Blue Notebook

Adonai, I would make you a perfume of my own heart. I would turn it velvet, rose, rubies and musk. I would ground my own soul, burnt with fire, to make some sweet ash. The aromatic incense I would offer before your throne and with it a new song, all my love in the sweetest melodies.

Please accept my offering and draw me closer into your secret, hidden, soul, deep inside your infinite loveliness and vast perfection. Cas

She went to God in her secret heart,
And shared with God her secret parts.
She drew her bow and shot secret darts
And longed to pierce God’s secret heart.

When God she found, she fell in fear,
For God is frightening if you come too near.
Instead of arrows he uses a spear
And he pierced her heart through her soul full clear.
Psalm 141:2
“Let my prayer be set forth before thee as incense;
and the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.”

Day 16: The Blue Notebook

I am a bride waiting…

Where oh, where is the groom? The Lamb slain from the foundation of the world? Where is the most loving Lord Jesus Christ our royal bridegroom? The saviour and redeemer of the church?

I long for the wedding day. I am nervous and wonder what we will wear?

Why do you tarry Lord? What more must be done? Please blow the trumpets in Heaven! Call a solemn assembly! Tell the angels to ready themselves! Prepare ‘the marriage supper of the Lamb’! come to the clouds! Please, please, please.

Oh that I could make my words arrows that would pierce your heart oh perfect God with such sweet, burning passion that you would gasp and grasp your heart and say: “Enough! You have captured my heart, my sister, my spouse! You have captured my heart for all eternity!”

(The truth is, I am the one whose heart has been eternally pierced. I am the captured one.)

 Revelation 19:7
“7 Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.”