Lord, perhaps when we reach Heaven, I will realise it was unnecessary to ask. I will find all my longings were ‘silly little girl’ dreams. There is a very real chance that when I actually see you, face to face, I will be terrified. I may be so in awe that I will never ask such presumptuous things again. But I feel it would be a shame not to ask now. From this distance, while I feel brave enough. Just on the off chance that my words and longings might please, or flatter, or amuse you. That I might in some way, give you pleasure.
I don’t know if I will get to write you letters in Heaven? I’m unsure if it is a sin to seek to know you as I do now? Maybe in Heaven, such familiarity will be impossible? Cas
Last night I had a deep talk with God, or maybe it was just an intense crying out to the Lord. Is God personal? Can we truly in all cold-hearted, clear-headed sanity, have an interactive relationship with the Holy Spirit, the Lord Jesus Christ and Father God, the great creator of the universe?
I know I will keep seeking, knocking, asking, longing, pleading, begging, for all of my life. There is a bottomless pit of need inside me. Medication can mask that to some extent, but it’s still there.
‘Jerusalem, Jerusalem, how often I would have gathered you under my wings.’
I long to be gathered under God’s wings and held in His mysterious love, safely hidden from the fearful, crumbling world. Cas