God opens wide The closed door. He answers prayer And gives us more. Though we may fall And fail and faint, God’s ever there, He’ll patiently wait. When days have passed And we collapse, When all our plans Have lost their grasp, When at our end We kneel and pray, God gently welcomes The words we say. He understands Beneath our sobs, The way life hurts, How pain robs, And he, with healing In His wings, Soothes aching hearts With love He brings So travellers all, Though you will stumble, And prayers are naught But a tearful mumble, God is gentle, Faithful and true. Bring all your brokenness, He’ll welcome you. By Cas Reeves 3/7/2021
Day 31: The Blue Notebook
The impossibility of ever having anything to say that could conceivably match how beautiful God feels in my heart makes me pause. The sunlight itself is like sweet music from Heaven, light shining like warm love.
James 1:17-18 “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. Of his own will begat he us with the word of truth, that we should be a kind of first fruits of his creatures.”
The cross, a greater gift of love then I could ever deserve. Please forgive my sins by your blood and grant me eternal life with you, LORD most high. Cas
Life needs to stay simple if I am to stay sane.
Lord, the white rabbit in my head sits calm and says: You are not late.
I relax, wonderland is just a dream I can leave anytime.
I am not defined by wonderland.
I am not defined by mental illness.
Despite my mental illness, I can connect with God.
I can, I write, I feel. Thank you Lord. Cas
Day 30: The Blue Notebook
Most excellent LORD of HOSTS I bow my heart and head and cry out “HOLY, HOLY, HOLY! LORD GOD ALMIGHTY, which was and is and is to come. Holy is your name and you, oh mighty one, are worthy of all praise and honour. Cas
I would lull myself into a trance and therein whisper sweet words of love and conjure such passionate loveliness as to enchant the Alpha and Omega, the great God who is the Beginning and the End and all that was and is to come.
If only I was young and beautiful, I wish that I could dance before you my LORD and ravish your heart with my love. Cas
Day 29: The Blue Notebook
I am weak and lack courage. Please Father God save us from the wrath to come. Extend us grace. Rapture us before the mega storm hits, that even now is brewing in the world.
The clouds against the blue sky make me think of you and long for your return. Cas
Oh blessed indwelling Holy Spirit I open to you every room in my heart. I give you all my keys.
Please let my love for the KING be a sweet scent to His senses. Let the perfume of God’s skin woo my heart. Let His scent drift down from Heaven to me.
If only my longing could inspire equal longing. Oh, to awaken a force greater than my own passion! (A dangerous thought. Perhaps not wise but I long for Him.) Cas
Day 28: The Blue Notebook
I’m feeling a little lost. I’m searching for something in my relationship with God. I always thought it was possible but today I am not sure. It’s so much harder on medication.
At least I can search again. For so long the medication made it impossible to even look. Cas
How do I write words capable of entreating a King? Cas
Day 27: The Blue Notebook
It’s a compulsion to come. Perhaps it is insanity, but it’s more real and beautiful than all the world. Cas
I am a deer panting after the living water; please quench my thirst. Cas
Lord, is all my religious fervour a symptom of my mental illness? Do I matter to you? Do you read my prayers?
Heavenly Father, find me. Please find me in the night time of my soul and hold me in your arms. Reassure me that there is hope and I am not alone.
A little faith is all I have. Forgive my impatience, please. Cas
Day 26: The Blue Notebook
Day after day I will come to you……
I wish I could find a way to pump your own exquisite Holy Spirit into the very ink upon this page. I would that the Great High Priest, the LORD JESUS CHRIST, would personally offer my words to you oh Great JE-HO’-VAH!
“Awake my love! Awake and hear what the Spirit says! What the Son says! She loves You. She loves You with all her broken humanity. Smell the sweet scent of her adoration.” Cas
Day 25: The Blue Notebook
I try to see myself as a woman before you. I am 39 but it’s hard. I would offer you my heart that still feels young. My young heart laughing and full of art and colour, a sparkling fountain of endless possibility and frighteningly submissive tendencies.
I would kneel before you. I would sit at your feet. I worship you. I long as no one but a woman, truly, desperately in love can long. Be not far from me but incline your ear to me Lord, I beg you. Cas
If you were a loin, I would be a lioness. If you hear me roar in the night, come to me. Cas
Day 24: The Blue Notebook
What is a girl to do when she is promised and waits?
My heart is longing…..
Your own Spirit longs as I do. Hasten to the, MARRIAGE SUPPER OF THE LAMB. Send me not away……
Truly there is nothing so sweet to me as being with you.
I am a small plant, let me grow in your shadow. You are a mighty tree, let me grow in your bark. Let me be a delicate orchid and flower in your branches.
You are so mighty. I have so little I can offer you but I make pictures with words and lay them before you like a child absurdly proud of my immature sketches. I say: “Father! Father! I love you! Please notice me! I see you! I love you! Please put my pictures on your fridge.”
Day 23: The Blue Notebook
I have a theory that the words and love I can offer now in my broken and imperfect humanity are of great value. The offering I make here stands eternal, a testament to my true love for you. So I build up my treasure in Heaven that I may even then have a crown to lay continually at your perfect feet. Teach me, oh Lord to increase your favour.
I beg of you eyesalve so I may see as you would have me see. Cleanse me and purify me and clothe me in white raiment, make me a pleasing offering. I am not lukewarm! I burn for you! I boil! I am steam, and there is fire in my eyes and hair.
Look upon me Oh LORD my GOD and soften your heart towards me. Knock upon my door and I will open all my heart, and life, wide to you. You alone are my heart’s desire and I long to worship you. Cas