Day 10: The Blue Notebook

Yesterday I had a time of feeling so close to God. It felt like I was laying in His arms, safe from all the universe and time and space itself. It was the most beautiful moment since I have been on medication. I know I need to be careful and live in the ordinary now and relax and stay mentally well.

I shall keep listening to the Bible and praying and seeking and trying to be patient and content. To love God calmly is a challenge. I keep pushing: running like it’s a desperate sprint to the finish line, a fierce competition to win the hand of the King.

“Only one life to offer, Jesus my Lord and King. Only one heart to offer and of his praises sing.”

Will I be able to continue to write you letters in Heaven Lord? Will I still be able to have a personal, one on one, intimate relationship with you? I worry I will be lost in the crowd and never alone with you again. I would sacrifice all of Heaven to be alone with you awhile. It is you I love, not the safety or pleasure of the rescue. Yes, I long for the Rapture, but I long for you more.

Please at least let me have pen and paper so I may continue to write long love letters to you until after the tribulation and Christ’s return. Then maybe in the 1000 year millennium reign if you have time we could meet up for coffee? Cas

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