Sharing from my many shelves of journals. The mostly biographical poetry and writing of an Australian Christian woman living with schizoaffective disorder.
The Circus
Cas Reeves 2020
I can barely walk the path before me.
I stumble, and I fall, and then I crawl.
Like pictures torn from a yellow book,
My thoughts are dark, but still, I look.
My mind is like performance art,
A circus troop that’s full of glee
Dancing in the big top that’s me.
Where’s the clown?
I see the acrobats move faster.
The girl standing on the horse
And the ringmaster.
Nobody is selling popcorn anymore.
The monkey lost his jacket long ago.
And the little girl who’s only three
Who thinks that she is me
Rides on her Pa’s shoulders once again.
If I had everything, I’d still be poor
But I’m as rich as I can ever get
Because I live life over and over
With a little girl who can’t forget.
My mind is like performance art..… This was the poem that inspired me to do this project. It takes my dissociative identity disorder and makes, at least a part of it, into something transformative and beautiful. At the core of my illness is that little girl seeking protection and healing. Learning that God loves all of me and letting myself accept that love is a huge step towards better mental health.
I'm a 46 year old Christian married mother of two young adults who I had the honour of homeschooling for 12 years. My husband Rodney and I live in Brisbane Australia. I am creating this space to share, as God leads, some of my writing and experiences living with schizoaffective disorder and pursuing a deeper healing relationship with God.
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Cheryl Reeves Writing - from my shelves of journals 