Sharing from my many shelves of journals. The mostly biographical poetry and writing of an Australian Christian woman living with schizoaffective disorder.
Hello Illness
Cas Reeves 2020
Hello illness, my old friend,
I've come to visit you again,
Because the words
Of the prophets are written
In my journal pages
And notebook cages,
Tucked away
In bedroom drawers
On messy floors.
My pain echoes
In the sound of silence.
In restless dreams my medications,
Give bright coloured incantations
And iridescent waves crash round.
In the depths, I'm merely found.
I am washed but never clean.
Exposed to pain but rarely seen.
I see the world
It is crumbling,
Crumbling down,
But there's no noise,
Just broken toys
And the sound of silence.
If you remember The Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel, maybe hum it as you read this poem. Over time the cycle of manic and depression becomes so familiar, it never goes away. I journal every day, filling book after book just to cope with the medicated silence. Most of the time, I am home alone, just me and my fragile faith. I live in my journals, write endless prayers, colour in and try to avoid seeing the News.
I'm a 46 year old Christian married mother of two young adults who I had the honour of homeschooling for 12 years. My husband Rodney and I live in Brisbane Australia. I am creating this space to share, as God leads, some of my writing and experiences living with schizoaffective disorder and pursuing a deeper healing relationship with God.
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