Sharing from my many shelves of journals. The mostly biographical poetry and writing of an Australian Christian woman living with schizoaffective disorder.
Voices
Cas Reeves 2019
Let me out! Let me out!
Did the little voices shout.
Let me go! Let me go!
Yes, they pushed and struggled so.
Set me free! Set me free!
How they longed, they longed to flee.
Not more pills! Not more pills!
Medication building hills.
So we sleep! So we sleep!
The little voices weep.
They are silent in the womb
Of a brain that’s like a tomb.
Daily drugged to pacify,
Though never does it rectify.
The little voices sadly lie,
And I,
Their sepulchre,
Quietly cry.
Medication doesn’t heal. When I first started lithium, there was a certain relief, a heavy calm. For a few weeks, I just sat in the inner silence and wondered if this was bliss, but it was false comfort. Yes, I still hear voices, yes medications goes a long way to blocking that, but they are still there, just gagged and straight-jacketed. I cling to my faith, it is a life line to hope and comfort on the bad days.
I'm a 46 year old Christian married mother of two young adults who I had the honour of homeschooling for 12 years. My husband Rodney and I live in Brisbane Australia. I am creating this space to share, as God leads, some of my writing and experiences living with schizoaffective disorder and pursuing a deeper healing relationship with God.
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