Day 9: The Battle

The Battle
Cas Reeves 2013
 
Don’t ask me to tell you the truth.
There are too many truths to tell.
It’s not that I’m lying,
I promise I’m trying,
The tears I am crying,
The feeling I’m dying,
All are as true as I can.
You ask a question
But I have no answer,
Not one, maybe 10 or 102?
But nothing I’m sure is true.
I smile and try to be kind,
I pretend I’m not losing my mind,
But the harder I try
The more that I find
I twist myself up in a bind.
I promise I try to be good,
I do as I know that I should,
If I could do better, I would.
My brain and my heart are not friends.
My spirit and soul are at war.
I wave a white flag and call truce,
Both smile and battle some more.

The internal battle has been raging within me all my life. I thought everyone was in a similar struggle. It was such a relief when I was diagnosed to know that my experience was not normal. Please, if you think someone has a mental illness, find a way to say so. I needed help; I was never going to win this battle on my own no matter how much I prayed or clung to God. A mental illness is an illness, and it needs treatment.

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