Sharing from my many shelves of journals. The mostly biographical poetry and writing of an Australian Christian woman living with schizoaffective disorder.
Empty hands
Cas Reeves 2007
I’m taking two empty hands
To the throne of grace.
I’m sitting on the floor
Begging for love.
Where is all the mercy I’ve read about?
The world keeps taking,
My heart won’t stop breaking,
My hands, they are shaking.
Lord, I’m not faking.
I’m pushed beyond
The end of all I have.
The broken pieces
Of my bleeding heart,
A split mind, torn apart,
And two empty hands,
That is all I have to offer you.
Ashamed I confess,
My life
Is like a worn-out dress
Fraying at the seams.
I’m on my knees
Offering my tears,
Lifting up my fears.
Desperate for more
I need your love
More than air.
I need it more than food,
I’d sooner die of thirst
Then of emptiness for you.
Make your life-giving words
Burn in my head.
Please speak to me in visions
At night on my bed.
I offer my emptiness
To your ample fullness.
God, I’m staying on the floor
Until you give me something more.
I’m uncomfortable to share this poem, makes me want to cry. Illness is exhausting, lonely and draining, the medications that are there to help can have side effects that rival the illness itself in their negative impact. Faith becomes something rather desperate. Prayers are like gasps for breath and your entire being becomes consumed by the battle to cope.
I'm a 46 year old Christian married mother of two young adults who I had the honour of homeschooling for 12 years. My husband Rodney and I live in Brisbane Australia. I am creating this space to share, as God leads, some of my writing and experiences living with schizoaffective disorder and pursuing a deeper healing relationship with God.
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My heart grieves for the pain you have endured and still experience. It’s so brave of you to expose your illness for others to be educated so inturn to have empathy. Thanks again 🙏🌻
Cheryl Reeves Writing - from my shelves of journals 
My heart grieves for the pain you have endured and still experience. It’s so brave of you to expose your illness for others to be educated so inturn to have empathy. Thanks again 🙏🌻
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