Day 4: Schizoaffective Disorder

Schizoaffective Disorder
Cas Reeves 2017
All the emptiness I offer.
My brokenness I proffer.
All my raw and brittle striving.
My endless hoping and contriving.
Lord, I offer you 
The blankness of my medicated mind,
Where memories I search for 
I can no longer find.
Yet still my faith like fragile fire
Burns on with faint but hot desire.
I turn each day to prayer
In the hope that if I share
You will intervene to fill the void
Made by medication I can’t avoid.
How can I help or heal my mental state?
Is this illness predestined, 
Somehow my fate?
I do not know the reason for this test.
I seek to pass, to excel and to invest,
To build a treasure full of hope.
Eternal perspective helps me to cope.
Lord, my blank to your exquisite verse,
I live my faith despite this curse.
In 2014 I had a psychotic break and ended up in and out of the mental ward, I was finally diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and medicated with lithium (mood stabiliser) and seroquel (anti-psychotic). In my case, schizoaffective is a combination of bipolar and schizophrenia. The impact of a traumatic breakdown, mental hospital and medication, with all it’s side effects, left me hollowed out inside, shattered, but I clung onto my faith and I still do everyday.

2 thoughts on “Day 4: Schizoaffective Disorder

  1. Thanks Cheryl for helping me to have an insight into your sufferings! Individual believers in the body of Christ need this awareness to extend love and support to all who suffer 🙏♥️

    Liked by 1 person

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